Though he had often
Heard that one is
Supposed to be oneself
And pursue one’s dreams,
The messages rattling
Around in his head
Kept him from doing
What he really loved,
Settling instead on
A pale imitation of living.
A quiet day
Except for a
Gradual awareness that
Everything has changed.
Mourning the past,
Hoping to return to it
At some point,
To a time when
Everything seemed possible,
A vast world beckoning,
Unencumbered.
She sits next to me and
We talk about
The time we were on
A plane and couldn’t
Stop laughing because
Of a joke we made up,
And the trip we took
To the island where
I learned to swim and
Where we spent hours
Looking for shells in
Balmy tide pools.
We talk about everything:
Our hopes, dreams,
Things that bother us,
Fears, disappointments.
We smile openly,
She vanishes.
Not the same
As it once was,
I hold on desperately
To what made it so
Special, a memory of
How it used to be,
Clashing with
Present reality.
Parts of me,
My history,
Strewn about in
Different places,
Unrecognized by
Anyone else,
Fragments of a
Bygone time,
Vivid in my mind only.
A heavy sigh,
How it all passes.
It seems like just
The other day
You and I
Talked about things
Vast and light,
Playing off each other
As only those
Who are close do.
Going back to the place
Where he grew up and
Finding that it is not
The same as he remembers,
Dreams of recapturing his
Youth dashed in an instant of
Realization that things can
Never be as they were,
No matter how much he
Wishes them to be.
Letting go once again,
Such a routine ordeal,
Bidding goodbye to so many
People and places dear.
It might get easier,
Though it really doesn’t,
He just pretends to
Get used to it,
Pieces of his self
Left behind.
No words exchanged
Where normally there
Would be many.
An empty space,
A house razed,
Missing.
This is the same
Place where they
Laughed together.
