Unfeeling,
Although they writhe
And contort at his feet,
Gasping for air,
Struggling to live
Despite circumstance.
He never did care for
Much more than himself,
His history etched into
Him, inky darkness
Unlit by empathy or
The simplest kindness.
He tells me to wait
Fifteen minutes and
Everything will be
Taken care of,
I thank him for his help,
Feeling some relief.
When I follow up,
I find out he did nothing.
Against his will,
He is forced to do
Something he doesn’t
Agree with, the machine
Being much more forceful
Than his lonely dissent.
A benevolent experiment
Contaminated by the same
Petty concerns that plague
Countless institutions,
Well-meaning at first,
Later horribly flawed.
I never realized I
Was that way until
It happened, life being
What it is, introducing
Its sundry twists and turns,
But I became aware of
Who I used to be, as well as
Who I am today, a person
I used to tacitly loathe
Or one I can look at in
The mirror without wincing.
Trying to keep it
All together,
Every minute a struggle
To drown out
Screams from the past,
Insistent reminders of
Unfathomable horror.
A picture of an imaginary being
Sits on the coffee table,
Providing only
Some superficial
Comfort and solace
Through the constant turbulence.
For years and years
I averted my eyes,
Pretended it wasn’t happening,
Wished against all reason
That it would somehow change.
I was desperately deluded,
What I had felt so vividly
Proved itself lasting,
And remains so
To this very day.
He has a deep, unwavering
Belief that the world is
A scary place where we all
Have to compete against
Each other, a notion
Stemming from his urgent
Need for power, that someone
Has to win, that there is
Always a group that is
Dominant over another.
When confronted with
Complex, frightening,
Existential questions,
His aggression surfaces,
Ambiguity being an undesirable
Interloper suggesting that
Something has to change
Though the old ways of
Doing things are so
Much more comforting.
Upon assuming a position
Of influence, he toils
Frantically to impose
Severe rules to control
His perceived subjects,
Demanding strict adherence to
His supreme authority,
Beginning his march toward
Obedience and conformity,
Restoring the status quo.
Trying to be
Someone he’s not.
They told him
How he should be.
Many people
Proffered unhelpful advice.
Do this
To fit in.
We’ll like you
If you conform.
Reinforced by
Lack of insight.
Questions asked
By people certain
That something is wrong,
Unwilling to acknowledge
Predicaments resulting from a
Lack of comprehension.
All they need to
Remedy the situation
Is an openness to
Additional information yet
They’ll likely never
Alter their approach,
It being much easier to
Assert confidence rather
Than admit ignorance.
