Trying to find a solution.
It’s not there,
No matter how hard she looks.
Not yet, at least.
She wonders how much longer
It will take, or whether
Fate conspires against her.
With no immediate answer,
She keeps going,
As she always has.
They huddle together
In their towns,
Wary of outsiders,
Hanging on to a myth
About how things are
Supposed to be,
Devised by people
As scared as them.
After the crusade ends
In carnage and devastation,
They recede into their lairs,
Pretending it never happened,
That they were always
Upright citizens.
Years pass,
They remain the same.
Every single man
In her life has
Been more than happy
To tell her what to do.
She’s dutifully
Followed their advice,
Even when it makes
No sense to her.
She’ll fight for
Their right to
Dictate her fate
At every turn.
They conveniently
Look the other way
As she gleefully
Serves them.
Self-appointed self-help guru
Shouting platitudes at an eager crowd,
Dripping with sweat and money
From all the hard work it takes
To convince people to
Part with their money,
Making them poorer and him richer.
He peddles superficial dross
Consumed by millions
Who really aren’t interested
In looking deeper,
Just some quick answer that
Will get them through the day,
So they can pretend
They did something more
Than enable a con man.
Unscrupulous characters making
Money off fear and hatred,
Upending decency with a smirk,
Pretending to do it because
They care about something,
When they’re really only
Shameless hucksters fomenting
Chaos to line their pockets.
Keep trying,
There’s no way
This will work.
Keep going,
No tangible
Progress.
You’ll make it,
Failure a familiar
Constant.
Stick with it,
It may never come
To fruition.
Don’t give up,
You’re
Worth it.
One part doesn’t talk to the other,
A complete disconnect,
Habitual compartmentalization,
Say one thing, do another,
Pretend it isn’t happening when
Someone points out the inconsistencies.
Disintegrated,
Unwhole,
Ripped apart by someone trusted,
Believing the unbelievable,
Unhealthy contradiction
Shrugged off as normal.
I’m not sure
There was ever a time
When idyllic meadows
Felt familiar.
Subsisting in twilight,
Inches from darkness.
An indistinct form beckons,
Sometimes less aggressive,
Always debilitating.
Moving toward it,
Struggling to remember
Who I am.
