She’s squatting in
This abandoned building
For the night,
Surrounded by strangers who
Have something in common.
She’d like to think that
Someone out there is
Worrying about her, but
She knows that it would
Only be for show, to make sure
The neighbors approve,
After all, they’re
The reason she’s out here.
A person using another
For nothing else than
Momentary amusement.
Nothing here of any
Consequence, no
Respect, affection.
One of them wonders
If there is
Something more.
Both of them leave
Worse off for
The experience.
For much of her life,
She believed that
Her worth came from
What other people
Thought of her,
Constantly looking
For approval from
Sources ill-equipped
To provide it,
Hating herself when
The right words
Didn’t come.
She stares at her daughter,
The same one who was filled
With joy and promise just
A year ago, the one who
Dutifully did everything
She was asked and never caused
A problem, a ready smile
Brightening the world around her.
She learns that her daughter
Lives in a tent
With an abusive man who
Has impregnated her.
Inside, she rages with shame,
The gall of this child,
Homeless, alcoholic, ungrateful,
Making her look bad.
Unable to convince him of
His own worth,
The process unfolds over
Many painful years of
Self-loathing,
Watching helplessly
From nearby
As things devolve,
Constantly hoping for
Something that may never come.
So many things to do,
Each one seemingly
More daunting
Than the last,
Roiling helplessness,
Inner fallacies derailing
Otherwise simple tasks.
Each day passes
More heavily than
The last,
Procrastination being
It’s own catalyst,
Discomfort increasing
Until unbearable.
He resolves to do
Something,
At some point.
She does what
She is told to,
Not what she
Thinks she should,
Ignoring the person
She really is:
A beautiful gift.
It never goes away,
The speculation about
What might have been,
Whether she made the
Right decisions or
Prematurely caved in
For comfort or safety
Rather than courageously
Embracing uneasiness,
Believing in herself,
Discovering who she is,
Living with courage
Instead of trepidation.
