If my child were hurting,
I would do everything in
My power to make sure
She is OK. I would commit
Revolutionary acts like
Setting my own stuff aside and
Putting her needs first.
My thoughts, opinions,
Pronouncements, obscurements,
Insecurities and complications
Wait their turn so I may take
Care of my child instead of
My own issues for a change.
I never thought it would be
You who would betray my
Trust, shred my dignity,
Stain my dreams, scoff at
My pain, inject doubt into
My being. A childish game,
Played by a twitching dolt,
Callously consequential.
I didn’t realize at the time
That my being was being
Crushed, image manipulated,
Distorted into disbelief.
Moving hesitantly, beseeching
Help for the most simple of tasks,
Waiting for approval that never came,
Tremors of self-doubt enduring.
Erase my horizons, tell me there
Is no sunrise. I’ll come along,
Heart exposed, eager to please,
Unwitting accomplice.
I never knew how excruciatingly
Uncomfortable things could get
Until I opened my mouth and let
My inner thoughts take flight.
The ensuing deluge of silence
Underscoring the deep rift
Like a jagged rupture in the
Landscape extending to the
Horizon and falling off the edge
To crash upon unyielding ground.
A person arrived at a wall,
Stared straight at it and said,
“This is a wall.”
Another person arrived at a wall,
Stared straight at it and said,
“I wonder what’s behind this wall.”
A third person arrived at a wall,
Looked to the right, looked to the left,
And walked around it.
On a day much like this or
Any other, he went down to
The laundry room and met the
Love of his life.
She was everything he dreamed of,
He couldn’t believe his good fortune
Until she said something that
Changed him.
Apprehensive, he stepped back,
Unable to make sense of what he’d
Just heard. He replayed the word in
His mind.
A greeting, followed by a smile, was all it
Took to remind him of every hair out of place,
Past failure, pulsing uncertainty,
Step forward, hello.
There are times when my mind goes
Blank.
There are times when my heart goes
Numb.
There are times when my feelings
Hurt.
There are times when my anxieties
Crush.
There are times when my insecurities
Debilitate.
There are times when I consciously
Redirect.
And so he was asked if he
Would take a look at himself and
He graciously declined as he always
Had and kept living his life as he
Knew how. A time came when his
Mettle was tested by circumstance and
He was again encouraged to examine
Himself and he blithely put it off another
Day until it was time to pass and he
Lay alone wishing he understood
Who he was all these years and why
He hadn’t tried to find out.
Deliberately moving away
From the abyss.
Conscious decisions
Leading joyfully forward.
A new day
Filled with promise.
Generations of pain
Stop at this very moment.
