For years and years
I averted my eyes,
Pretended it wasn’t happening,
Wished against all reason
That it would somehow change.
I was desperately deluded,
What I had felt so vividly
Proved itself lasting,
And remains so
To this very day.
I’m sure our
Last conversation
Had a far different
Effect on you than
It did on me.
That was always the
Way things transpired,
Me assaulted,
You oblivious,
Mandatory discomfort.
I don’t expect you’ll
Ever grow a heart,
Not for me,
Or anyone else,
Including you.
Sitting across from her
Therapist, Kelly asks
Why all men are so
Messed up and hurt nice
Women like her
Over and over.
The answer turns out to
Be the the same as the one
From the faraway voice
In the back of her mind:
They are a product of
Insecure fathers and
The women who put up
With them.
Kelly mulls over this
New bit of information
And resolves that the
Cycle ends with her.
They sit across
From each other,
Neither knowing
What to say, or
When it might be
Appropriate to
Bring it up,
That thing they’ve
Been avoiding,
The one that has
Gotten so big,
Unwieldy,
Unignorable.
Relationship hindered by
A single careless action.
One thoughtless moment:
Unplanned, unconscious,
Blundering, impulsive,
Disproportionate, reactive.
The slight nudge that
Changes everything.
A cringe that won’t
Leave her alone.
She wishes she could
Take it back.
He chokes up when
The flag appears or
A certain maudlin song plays,
Chauvinism welling inside him,
Wiping away unrelated tears,
Experiencing feelings
Conspicuously absent
When he’s administering
Merciless beatings
To the victims in his orbit.
No stranger to failure,
He optimistically
Starts a new project.
This will be the one,
He says to himself,
Dreaming of success.
In the other room
His wife opens yet
Another envelope.
This month it’s the
Electricity that
May be shut off.
Next month it
Could very well
Be a divorce.
No light emanating
From his eyes,
A rigid demeanor
Developed in childhood
When the glow was
Beat out of him by
People proclaiming virtue
While practicing terror.
Devoid of love,
He coldly leads his adherents
Into the abyss.
Galling.
The sheer magnitude of
His inability to
Admit responsibility.
No need to start
Now, he’s never had
To concede anything.
Appalling.
Sad.
Final.
