So it all comes out at once:
The things that were never said,
Feelings suppressed, ignored,
Stuffed down so deep down that
They emerge unrecognizable,
A gale of pain and anger,
Bewilderment, a pacing diatribe,
Trembling in place while
Continuing to move forward.
The reproaches came swiftly,
Hitting their mark as they
Always had, bruises invisible
On the outside.
You didn’t contact me,
I was so upset,
You wanted me to do everything,
I was put on the spot.
Eyes closed in resignation,
It would always be this way,
The dull insensitivity of
The unreconstructed.
It happens again,
And I’m not quite sure
What to do about it.
One thing I know is
That there’s absolutely
Nothing I can do about it.
I’ll sit here and wait,
Hoping that it doesn’t
Recur, though it will.
I realized something was
Wrong the moment I saw you,
Though I desperately tried to
Pretend I didn’t know.
So much time and energy
Invested in something so temporary,
A fleeting moment’s peace,
Short-lived reassurance.
Changing direction,
I hope no one recognizes
What’s going on,
When it suddenly collapses.
I guess I expected
Something else but,
As usual,
The same thing happened
And I’m left feeling
The same inadequacies,
Which is what I’ve
Always done.
So, let try this again,
He says with an exasperated
tone, the same one
She’s heard too many times.
Clenching her teeth,
She smiles and concedes.
Some things aren’t worth
Fighting over.
She plans her future.
A new restaurant opens
Nearby and we decide
To give it a try.
Things don’t go as planned,
We likely won’t return.
On the drive home we
Discuss it animatedly.
Too many times.
This one was the last.
How do I know?
I’m different now
And they’re the same,
Change not in
Their vocabulary.
We arrive at
The moment we
Knew would come but
Have desperately tried
To avoid,
Fidgeting nervously,
Trying not to look at one another,
The weight of everything
That came before
Urging us to forget.
