Unconsciously following
What he thinks is his brain
But is really just the
Manifestation of hurts
Wedged in there by people
Who meant well but didn’t
Have a clue what it was
To help a human being
Become whole rather than
An animate patchwork.
Seeing an old photo,
Remembering what it felt
Like to exist then,
The relentless
Inner bewilderment,
Ruthless untruths
Forcing me to be
Someone else,
Voices other than mine.
In a small town
Bereft of opportunity,
He wanders slowly
Toward school,
Stopping along the
Way to throw rocks
At various things,
Smack light poles
With his skateboard.
At some point during
The day, the guidance
Counselor will confront
Him about his many
Absences and force
Another lengthy lecture
On him, all about how
He’s throwing his
Future down the drain.
At home, his mother
Screams at her
Latest boyfriend,
The one she chooses
Over him all the time.
He dreams of a day
When he can get away,
Have a room of his own,
Forget everything.
They clap gleefully
As the child dances —
A forced smile pasted
On his face,
Flailing wildly to
Keep their attention,
The only time they
Notice him.
She worries about
Absolutely everything;
Wreathed in a
Cloud of trepidation,
Myriad menaces,
Nothing safe,
Constant vigilance against
Threats real and fabricated,
She bequeaths all this
Wonderfulness to her children.
They sit down to
Play a game but it
Soon becomes clear that
This is much more than
An innocent diversion.
The contest becomes
Heated, mirth gives way
To intensity, each one
Of them trying to vanquish
The other, neither
Willing to cede an inch,
Risk losing face.
Eventually something has
To give, the adult
Jubilantly trounces the
Child and gloats a while,
What passes for fun.
Do as I say,
There are rules in this house,
Confess your trespasses,
Obey us without questioning,
Don’t stray from the norm,
Keep your thoughts to yourself.
Delicate, vulnerable beings
Ground up and extruded,
Forced into a mold greased with
Insecurity and fear.
Unmet needs, unfinished business.
Creativity, humanity desecrated.
During a moment of
Unadulterated optimism,
He told them about
His desire to pursue
An art career and they,
Being of upright and
Morally sound carriage,
Applied a heavy coat of
Judgment and suspicion
Onto his dreams,
Same as they always had,
Always would,
Courage and change
Not being all that
Salient to them.
It’s hard to step out of your house
When all you’ve ever known is your
House and all you’ve ever been
Told about is your house.
There are monsters out there
Who want to destroy you. You were
Warned by those who consumed you
For control and meaning.
