funny short poems

Enjoy the View

Please stand perfectly still as
I do my rehearsed dance.
I will not take no for an
Answer. Enjoy the view and
My amazing dancing style.
I’m looking good, huh?
You know you love spending
Time with me.
It’s great to be able to hang out with
Someone as wonderful as me.
I know you enjoy watching me
Kiss my muscles.
I wrote this song. Not really but it’s
The type of song I’d write.
Let’s get out of here and go back
To my place.
Yeah, my mom’s house.

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Be Perfect

Great news! I’m trying to be perfect.
It’s really fun, wish I was here,
What with doing so many things and
Getting every last detail just right and
Double checking everything and
Comparing myself to some arbitrary rule book and
Silencing the ghosts and
Measuring all the time.

You’re Always There

No matter what happens or
How weird things get.
You’re always there.
An oasis of solace and comfort
In roiling seas.
A refuge from
The heartless vicissitudes that
Challenge my mettle.
You’ll always be with me,
My beloved waffle iron.

Without Warning

Beep beep, here comes the car.
Honk honk, it heaves forward.
In the driver’s seat a small figure
Barely visible over the dashboard.
A quick hand gesture of disgust and
Impatience followed by a rather
Uncontrolled lurch onto the
Grass and the inevitable
Story about how the brakes didn’t
Work and the engine took off
On its own without warning.
Total absolution for the vehicle
Now resting in the living room.

Not the Same

Sitting in the dark
Clutching what he sees
As the last vestiges
Of his power and prestige.

Things have changed too much,
They’re just not the same
As when he was growing up,
Burdensome reality.

Everything was better when
Things rightfully went his way,
Not because of who he was,
Just by random chance.

I Don’t Care

I don’t care
What you say,
I’m going to
Walk over there,
Right now, and
Sit on that waffle.

Across the Office

The giant bird raised its wings and
Began flapping around in a dreadfully
Agitated fashion, scattering all manner
Of papers and sundries across the office.

Dodging the vortex of random projectiles,
Braving the windswept climes,
Bill from Accounting reached the culprit,
Soothingly petted its head, just a bad dream.

The Loop

I’m in the loop.
I’m out of the loop.
I’m in the loop.
I’m out of the loop.
I want to stay in the loop.
I want to get out of the loop.
I’m becoming tired of the loop.
The loop is becoming heavy.
Keep me in the loop.
The loop knows best.

Like Me

Wear your clothes like me
Wear your hair like me.
Wear your beliefs like me.
Drive the same vehicle as me.
Drive the people around you
Crazy like me.
Drive yourself into the
Ground like me.

Who you are, where you come from,
Who you worship is my concern.
What music do you listen to?
To whom do you listen?
Who are you like me?