You can’t do that.
You don’t matter.
You’re not important.
You’re worthless.
You’ll never amount to anything.
Color inside the lines.
Stick to the script.
Don’t rock the boat.
Don’t talk back.
Keep it to yourself.
Forget those dreams.
Be someone else.
Live the life you’re told to.
Follow the rules.
Surrender.
So she began, with
Hopes and dreams and
Excitement at what the
Future might bring.
Arranged everything, as
She’d been taught and
Introduced some new, fresh
Ideas with optimistic intention.
Not enough for those
Who had lost the luster.
Years of being tumbled around,
Disoriented, missing a compass,
Hearts expired, vision clouded.
Excitement stifled, passion quelled.
Encouraged to behave just like the others.
Color inside the lines.
The painful sadness
Of an agile mind
Succumbing to fear,
Leaving behind any
Hope of a brighter day,
Crumpling into sorrow,
Unable to hear
A beautiful song of
Courage and love.
How can I go back when it
Felt so horrible spending time with
Someone who never thought of
Anyone else?
Oppressively difficult.
A narcissist’s overwhelming
Love for only himself.
Compassion not part of the conversation.
Miserly kindness doled out in
Anticipation of what he’ll get back.
Prickly nerves ready to
Fire off in a defensive storm.
A specter that obscures others.
Many long months of
Forced inactivity.
Staring blankly
Out the window.
No longer part of
The regular world.
To and fro they go,
Living their lives.
Normality such
A foreign concept.
Stop and think for a moment,
Abandon superfluous encumbrance.
Up the mountain, through the
Penumbra, clarity unobscured.
A dark smokestack belches filth
Into a resigned sky. Trudging,
Servile to instinct and unchecked
Impulse. Clear away the dust.
It’s always the
Same story:
Something happens
And the parents
Stand by muttering
That they never
Saw it coming,
At once absolving
Themselves of any
Responsibility and
Avoiding having to
Admit they were
Part of the mess.
Tension-filled gait,
Taught face,
Clutching phone,
Walking determinedly
Toward unseen goal.
One look away from
Umbrage.
One comment away from
Explosion.
One step away from
Meltdown.
Keep it together,
Barely.
At the supermarket,
Averting her eyes,
Many recognize
What’s going on,
She wishes they didn’t.
Struggling through the day,
Not yet in a place
Where she believes
In her worth,
That she doesn’t
Deserve this.
