deep poems

Low-Grade Headache

There’s a particular
Kind of low-grade
Headache that insinuates
Itself whenever I have
To do anything remotely
Related to math or
Have to watch or listen
To something that I
Find excruciatingly
Boring. It’s not awful
Enough to scream but
It is annoying, draining,
Sort of like when I
Have to spend time
With certain people and
Pretend I’m enjoying it.

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Was to Be

They’ve been friends
For the longest time
And are enjoying a fun
Day in nature,
Climbing around
On the rocks,
Laughing, joking,
Sharing stories,
The comfortable ease
Of familiarity.
She loses her balance
And falls, her landing
Reverberating disturbingly.
He comes to her aid.
Unable to touch her,
Or show her how much
He cares, he utters
Awkward words of dubious
Reassurance, “At least
You’re alive!”
This was to be the day.

Unsaid Things

It’s painfully obvious
That there are many
Unsaid things that he
Needs to express but
That he will never
Articulate because it’s
More important to win
Than to love.

Numb

Like a bunch of awkward
High school students,
They stand around fidgeting,
Desperately trying to one-up
Each other with mundane,
Sleep-inducing stories
About banal experiences
Followed by raucous
Self-conscious laughter.
One guy raises his voice,
Gesticulating wildly,
Hoping the nearby ladies
Will notice, another rambles on
About how big his business is,
Another drinks his fifth cocktail
To numb the meaninglessness.

Recede

Thirty minutes away but
Unfathomably remote.
A vividly painful memory,
Times spent anxiously vying for
Approval, a pathetic dance for a
Morsel of affirmation.
Insatiable craving for attention
Heightened by ruthless
Absence of empathy.
In the distance all things
Recede as if they had
Never existed.

Expensive

In a beautiful mansion with
A grand staircase,
Crystal chandeliers,
Sumptuous furnishings,
Expensive art works,
There is a small room
Hidden by a panel,
Off a bedroom,
Lockable from the inside,
Where he can hide
When they come to
Take away what he
Takes from them.

Nonsense

My knotted insides signal a
Debilitating inability to stand up
And let my voice be heard,
To announce my value.
Stop making waves,
Follow the rules.
Nonsense
Rubbed into my brain by
People desperately trying to
Quell entrenched feelings of
Helplessness, unimportance.
Imperious bluster annihilating
Dissidence and love.

Exemplary

Build a tidy family,
Secrets and appearances,
Oaths and promises.
Don’t tell what happened,
Never betray this to
Anyone, anywhere, anytime.

A nest lined with falsity,
Hidden from street view
Behind impenetrable
Curtain of scrubbed cheeriness,
Exemplary, faithful, guiltless,
Eternal fear, pressure.

Distance

I don’t know how many
Ways I can say this.

A blank look,
Devoid of any understanding.

We’ve gone over this
A million times.

Another imperceptive retort,
Deflecting truth.

I can’t make someone see
What they won’t.

Silence.
Distance.