You win!
Stand there with
Your trophy while your
Shambles of a life
Lays at your feet and
You pretend that the
Reward is far greater
Than what you squandered,
Not that you’ll ever
Admit it, that would
Require some measure of
Courage, in short supply
In the land of swagger.
As a child, she had to
Fight for what was hers,
Struggle against the
Feeling that she was being
Judged or wasn’t good
Enough in some way, that
She wasn’t really loved
Or accepted, didn’t matter.
Not so many years later,
She became externally
Successful, with all the
Trimmings and trappings,
But inwardly vowed to
Never again let anyone
Tell her what to do, she’d
Strike first and show them
Who was boss, she’d be in
Control all the time, a
Sullen emperor staring down
From her tarnished throne,
Giving the signal to
Sacrifice yet another
Miserable underling to quench
Her thirst for dominance.
A blossom
Doesn’t care about
Anything other than
Being a flower.
Beautiful.
Someone comes
Along and deems it
Inadequate,
Frightening,
Unimportant,
Strangles it.
The plant lies
Dormant,
Anticipating
Another day.
There’s always that one
Individual who makes
Everyone else’s lives
Miserable, who has such a
Limited understanding of
Where he ends and others begin
That he tramples on all toes
In an unpleasant strut of
Unconscious self-centeredness,
Trapped in his own
Inflamed harshness.
It’s in the quiet spaces
Between words that he remembers
What he was and how it all
Led to this moment, whether
He wanted it to or not,
Without any semblance of order
Save for every single experience,
Every instance of gushing pain,
Pulsating regret, momentary joy,
And the evolving realization
That he was never whom they
Said he was, or whom he had
Convinced himself to be.
All the same,
Searching for comfort
Over expansiveness.
All in boxes,
Complimenting each other
On their identical caskets.
All in a stupor,
Sleepwalking from
One reaction to another.
They clap gleefully
As the child dances —
A forced smile pasted
On his face,
Flailing wildly to
Keep their attention,
The only time they
Notice him.
Although he never
Noticed it himself,
It was clear
To everyone else
That he was strikingly
Adept at making the
Important people in
His life feel horrible.
No error too small
To point out,
No advantage too
Preposterous to duel for.
A hug withheld,
A judgment rendered,
The subliminal erosion of
An already fragile self.
Constant, insistent perseverance
In the face of crushing odds,
Head down in defiant opposition to
Forces that contort dreams.
One laborious step after another,
Unfailing determination and
Purity of purpose align.
Things predestined appear.
